queencallipygos (queencallipygos) wrote,

Where I Am, Where I've Been

Things fell very, very silent in here. I know.

Mainly because I was going through some really, really difficult few years and I didn't want the world at large to know; hell, I was having a hard time telling even my family. I was stiff-upper-lipping it all, and just getting on with the business of getting through things because "what other choice do I have", all the while coping with Tom breaking up and then Zach dying and then three or four straight years of unemployment and then breaking a foot and then about 68 roommate changes and yadda yadda yadda.

On the one hand, I'm really proud that I was able to function through all that; I am stronger than I thought. But on the other...I was really, really exhausted from having to be that strong for so long. Not only did I not want to tell anyone what I was going through, I was just plain too tired TO talk about any of it.

Things started to ebb in 2014, but I was still kind of braced for impact for another year and change afterward, all "okay, what's next." And it's only within the past year that I've been able to finish emotionally processing everything, and start to trust that the world is actually not out to get me. I've had a steady job for over a year (it pays less than I'd like, but it has an amazing vacation package), I'm still single but have developed a weird sort of flirtation with a guy in Paris, and...I've been to Paris.

And I'm starting to come back out of that shell a bit more. Recently I found myself browsing through travel guidebooks with a notion towards "let's make a list of where I want to go". And I absolutely wouldn't have dared to tempt fate like that a year ago.

I'm blogging more regularly somewhere else - over on Wordpress. I've been over there for a couple years now, but it still took a couple years to wheeze more into life. But there are signs of that now.

I may still keep this site to read other people's blogs, but I probably will not comment much over here. Come visit over in my new home. Thanks.
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